Random Saturdays – Spoiler Free Star Trek Review

As an early birthday present, Amanda took me to see Star Trek: Into Darkness. I have been trying to introduce her to the original Star Trek movies (we’ll work on the different series eventually, I’m sure). So, it was cool that we got to see this one together. There were no crappy teenagers at this movie, even though school is out and crappy teenagers are all over the place now. There was a d-bag in front of us who kept playing on his phone until a few seconds after the movie started. I will never understand why people pay $10 to sit in a movie theater and look at all their boring friends’ boring posts on Facebook. You can do that at home for free and not annoy me. Bah!

At any rate, here is my spoiler-free review of Star Trek: Into The Darkness. So much solar flare. I think J.J. Abrams really outdid himself on the solar flares in this one, surpassing any of his previous solar flare work. Bring your sunglasses into the theater if you know what’s good for you. The movie was incredibly exciting, and the only thing that kept me from having a heart attack is that I’ve seen all them Star Tracks. Even so, I had alot of crazy faces and said things like, “Eee,” “Ungh,” and “Yergh,” during the movie.

Here’s the play-by-play via my internal monologue during the movie: “All of my favorite buddies are here. Is that Mickey? Hi, Sherlock! Hi, Robocop! Is stuff going to happen on this planet? Oh, guess not, but looks like other stuff is happening. Is Sherlock supposed to be someone..? So then, is that girl someone..? What did Scotty see? Poor little tribble. That’s gonna be something. Oh, my. So much debris. I agree with Kirk. Oh, Robocop! Sherlock, so much anger. You should go settle down on an island somewhere and let go of all that negativity. Always good to see Spock. So proud of Spock. I swear, Anton Yelchin keeps getting younger, making me a creepier old lady with each passing day. Oh, this is like when they did that stuff in the future, but it’s in the past, but in the future. Man oh man, good one! Chasing and running! So exciting! Tribbles are so danged cute. So, the first one was about that one thing and this one is kinda like those two things. Does that mean the next one will be like that another thing? These credits are way too long. Nobody really cares about any of these people. If you want credit and attention, you should really find another job. I gotta go to the bathroom.”

To summarize:
If you have not seen the movie, go see it, and bring your sunglasses.
If you have seen it, you know what I mean.


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