Random Saturdays – Junk Mail Replies #3

It’s been awhile, but back by one demand, here are more Junk Mail Replies!  In case you forgot how this works, I occasionally use this blog to reply to SPAM.  I noticed that I’ve been getting fewer SPAM comments to my blog, but one of my email accounts still provides me plenty of fodder for this, by golly!

Dear Rolex-Replicas–

Your deal on watches sounds great!  I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw that I could save thousands on exact replicas of Rolex watches.  I believe you stated, “Even a Jewler Can’t Tell Our Replicas apart from the real thing.” Did you get a jeweler to proofread your ad as well, perchance?

Eagerly awaiting clarification,

Dear SexKitten–

It made me ever so happy to hear that you found my Facebook profile and thought that I was cute enough to chat with online!  I believe every word you say because you have sent numerous emails in order to communicate just how eager you are to chat with me and have apparently setup multiple IM accounts for just this purpose.  What I find really flattering is how you are so excited to chat with me, that none of your emails include punctuation or capitalization.  Even so, I will have to pass up the chance to chat with you.  Between all of the commas, periods, capitalization, and correct spelling that I do, I simply do not have time to better make your acquaintance.

Making an A in English Composition,

Dear New-Canadian-Meds–

That was so nice of you to send me an email promising to show me “the truth that there is no interdependence between medicine quality and its price”.  I knew you were trustworthy because the subject line in the email was so long.  It’s uncanny how you knew just which medicines I needed most, too.  I’m not sure what I was thinking using insurance to help pay for my prescriptions when I could have been getting meds from you this whole time!  Sure, I’m allergic to Amoxicillin, but who can say no to a bottle of antibiotics for 52¢?

Frugally yours,

Dear Dentures Center–

My dentist clearly said something to you that she has never said to me.

Scared toothless,

Dear Asian Hotties–

If I want to find a hot Chinese woman, then all I have to do is look in the mirror.

I’m so funny,

Dear SlutFinder–

Please read my email response to Asian Hotties.

Can’t stop laughing at myself,

Dear ADHD Treatment–

Why the hell is your email so long?  Ain’t nobody got focus for that.




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