Random Saturdays – Amanda’s Birthday 2014

Amanda and I haven’t actually had a chance to celebrate  our birthdays together this year.  When we do, I’m sure we’ll make stupid jokes that I can record on this blog for posterity’s sake.  Until then, here’s a peek at one of the birthday cards I sent her.

Artist's rendering of true events

Artist’s rendering of true events

Random Saturdays – New Emoji

I’m looking forward to the release of the new Emoji because I’m easy to please.  Even though new things are always exciting, I want to give props to my favorite Emoji to date, the hocho.  I call it, “the knife” because I didn’t know what it really was until Erica and I did some research on it.  Though the knife has been very useful when discussing the Bring Back Stabbing Campaign with Amanda, I feel like I have done my Asian heritage a great dishonor by not knowing a good hocho when I see one.  Then again, I’m not Japanese.  Considering that “hocho” means something different on the streets, I’m probably going to just keep calling them “knives”.  Before we all get caught up in the excitement of the new Emoji, let’s all take a minute to rediscover the knife/hocho.

 

Knife

The knife’s alter-egos

Random Saturdays – Triggers

I don’t know about you, but I have some very strong emotional triggers.  Since I no longer spend most of my non-work time alone, I’m becoming very aware of my triggers.  There’s not much that I can do to avoid them, but I’m trying to be aware that some emotional/physical roller coaster of some sort has been triggered and that I need to stop it.  When you’re alone all the time, it doesn’t really matter.  It just means that you’ll spend the weekend sleeping on the couch, trying not to think about things at all until you can get back to the welcomed distraction that is work.  When you’re not alone, you have to be aware of these things because they will affect others and you will waste your time with your neuroses instead of enjoying the company of your loved ones.

Also, it’s alot easier to get your crap together for a few hours on a Saturday so you can enjoy an afternoon with your parents than it is to get your crap together every day so that you can make the most of your non-work time with people instead of enjoying the comfort of wallowing in your own self pity.  Who knew?

Here are some of my biggest triggers:

  1. Money — I have none.  I don’t usually spend it, so I don’t normally miss it.  I also don’t like people spending money on me;  it always makes me feel guilty.  I’m a grown ass woman with a damned job, so why should I mooch off of other people?  If I’m with a group of people participating in something, then it’s okay if I don’t fully participate so that I can save money.  My friends and family understand that I enjoy their company more than I enjoy doing things, per se.  Ben’s friends and family aren’t as familiar with my brand of crazy, though.  So, I can be rude and offensive and not partake in things, or I can let people pay for me to do things so that I can be part of the group.  It causes me alot of anxiety.  When I can, I try to pay for some or part of whatever it is so that I don’t have to feel like such a mooch, but I just can’t keep up with them in that sense.  Of all the people I know, it’s just Amanda and me that have this issue.  So, yeah, I realize that it’s completely irrational for money to cause so much anxiety for me for those reasons, but it does.
  2. Food — Okay, this one’s not as weird, but it’s still unhealthy.  Society’s materialistic standards, blah blah blah, I’m fat.  More than that, I’m very short and asthmatic.  So, my weight is tied very directly to my health.  Even if I overeat at just one meal, I can feel my gut pressing on my lungs, threatening to deprive my body of oxygen at any moment.  I don’t have any self control when it comes to food, so I only police myself by buying specific groceries and preparing specific meals so that I don’t have the opportunity to think about changing my meals.  This doesn’t work quite as well with Ben.  We went to the grocery store this week and the only produce we got was a small veggie tray that remains untouched in the fridge.  The rest of the $80 of groceries were mostly crackers, cookies, nuts, and frozen pizzas.  I’m a compulsive eater and can easily eat an entire meal without remembering that I’ve eaten at all if my asthma or acid reflux aren’t reminding me that I have.  I also grew up in the 80s with a mom from a Third World country.  So, I learned to eat whatever was on my plate, no matter how much it was or how sick it made me.  For the most part, I still do that today.  Even when I’m aware of what I’m doing, I can’t seem to stop.  When it comes to sweets, all bets are off!  I will knock down old ladies and children to get to German chocolate cake.  Don’t get me wrong;  I’ll apologize afterwards…when my belly is full of cake…So, I’m constantly thinking about what I have eaten, what I will eat, and what I wish I were eating, which makes me feel bad about myself, which makes me feel self-absorbed, which makes me feel guilty, which makes me depressed and anxious.  (For the record, beating up old ladies and kids makes me feel like that too.  I just think that those feelings are more appropriate for the situation.)
  3. Shopping for Clothes — Even just thinking about buying clothes gives me the heebie jeebies.  Once or twice a year, I can get in a mindset where I can put aside my hatred of myself to focus on my love of quality clothing at good prices.  The rest of the year, I just look at the holes that my thighs are wearing through my jean britches because my thighs are so fat and I pray that the jeans will win the fight for just a few more months while I eat a pint of ice cream to console myself.  (I’ll see your #2 and raise you a lactose intolerant.)
  4. Man, that last sentence did not paint a pretty picture in any way, did it?

Random Saturdays – Playing, You’re Doing It Wrong

I get that phrases like the above are hip on the webernet, but you have no idea how much energy it took to keep me from correcting the grammar in the title of this post.  Moving on now…

Spring Break for most of the DFW metroplex just passed.  This meant that there was alot of talk at work and online about people’s plans with their kids and arrangements made at work to care for these kids.  Ben worked from home all week.  We talked about how we wished that we could’ve taken time off to take the kids somewhere and that we hoped that we’d be able to do that sometime in the next few years.

ME — I wish we could’ve taken them somewhere fun.
BEN — Yeah, me too.
*At the same time*
BEN — Somewhere like Disneyland.
ME — Somewhere like Disneyworld.
BEN — Disneyland’s cheaper.
ME — Isn’t that because Disneyland sucks more?
BEN — It’s still Disneyland.  It’s all cheaper than Universal Studios.
ME — I don’t care about any of it.  I just want to go to
BEN & ME — Harry Potter Land

He knows how I roll.

Erica told me about her step-son sleeping in past 10 am.  I told her about this big box that we kept when Ben got his replacement tool chest.  I saw it and immediately thought about the kids being able to use it to pretend it was a house or a rocket ship or something.  (Erica and I used to sit in her grandma’s closet, our backs on the floor and our legs on the walls, pretending that we were blasting off into space.)  After weeks of telling the kids about this box, they finally paid attention to me.  “Can we decorate it?” “We can cut windows into it!”  “We can make it a season box and decorate it differently each season!”  (The season idea is an off-shoot of our fake Christmas tree upstairs that we are keeping out and decorating for each season, an idea I stole from my friend, Jennifer, who is no longer allowed to talk to me after I called out her husband on some disrespectful stuff he did to her on Facebook, but that’s another story…)

Erica and I started talking about what we used to do on spring break and all the different ways we used to play.  We jokingly wished that we were still kids so that we could show all these kids how to really play.  We grew up with computers, video games, and t.v., but we mostly used all of that as a bouncing board for our imaginations.

I remember watching something about history on Muppet Babies and learning about explorers that landed in The Americas in school.  Erica and I made up a game where we explored her grandma’s den and landed on different countries/furniture to claim it for different countries.  Amanda, her little brother, and I used to make up elaborate dances to The Little Mermaid soundtrack.  Temika and I used to make up accents and words that cracked us up while we cooked and did dishes.

That’s not to say that the kids in our lives now have no imagination.  It’s just that it takes a little longer to get them going and the starting points for their imaginations is very different from our generation.  Then again, I think about how depressed I was at the age of 17, stressed about trying to find financial aid so that I could go to a school as far away from my parents as possible while trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  At 17, my grandfather lived and worked on the family farm and was dividing his time between building the cement porch for their house and chopping down cedar trees to build the cedar chest that I now have in my bedroom.  As with everything, I suppose that it’s really all about perspective.  I’m just thankful that these kids are even willing to play outside and get excited about an empty box, even if it takes a little mental prodding sometimes.

With that, I thank you for reading and wish you all a happy spring!