Random Saturdays – A True Fiver

Cathy and I recently had another one of our chats where we talked about how we agreed with each other, but didn’t understand other people.  This time, we discussed rating systems.  You might have heard of The Internet, which features Websites, which often feature Rating Systems.  Users are asked to give something a certain number of stars or thumbs up or even to just pick a number on a scale.  I always assume that the star/thumb/one on the left is the lowest and that the star/thumb/five on the right is the highest, unless otherwise indicated.  Our issue is that we see people giving Five Stars (thumbs/numbers) to everything.

How can everything be Five Stars?  Giving Five Stars to everything diminishes the point of the rating system.  Between one and five, three is the middle, which makes three the average.  So two is slightly below average and four is slightly above.  One is fully below average and five is way above average.  You can give them varying degrees, but we know that Five Stars is the best, the most, the greatest whatever of the stuff that you’re rating.  If you give Five Stars to everything, then what you’re really doing is throwing off the rating system because now, five is the average.  Instead of the rating system being a scale of little-to-high quality, it’s now just a scale of high quality.  Instead of, “Was this book/song/movie/donut good?” the rating system has become, “What level of greatness has this book/song/movie/donut reached?”

Now, don’t get me wrong.  It annoys me that so many news outlets go for negative stories because it’s what gets attention (I’m equally disappointed that people give so much attention to the negative stories), but this slanted rating system business is just too durned positive for me.  Cathy and I agree that you save the Five Stars for the best and the One Stars for the worst.  Most of your ratings, by the nature of the numbers, should be Three Stars.  Three is the average, and the average is, well, average.  This carries over even if you have a different scale.  Whatever is in the middle is the average and the extremes are the extremes.  Treat the extremes with the respect they deserve.  Make a book really have to blow you away to get a Five!  That crappy beet better taste like the worst of the crappy beets if you rated it a One!  Everything else can fall into the middle.

If, after reading this, I haven’t convinced you to go forth and give more accurate ratings to random crap on random websites, then that’s fine.  No hair of my chest, no skin off my ear, no bear shittin’ in my woods.  Just know that if you see me sign my name to a Five Star rating anywhere in the world, then whatever the hell I’m rating is a True Fiver.

The Beets-Harry Potter Scale I use for my entire life

The Beets-Harry Potter Scale I use for my entire life


Pimp It Mondays – Teresa’s Twelve Posts of Christmas

Mondays are going to be my day to pimp out my friends (or anyone/anything else that I like) in a very non-pay-the-rent way.  In my first post, I mentioned my friend, Teresa.  She’s currently doing a Twelve Posts of Christmas feature on her blog.  Her first post really grossed me out, but also really made me laugh.  She wrote about how eating boogers sort of became her thing and defined the person that she is today in a very roundabout way.  To my knowledge, she’s no longer a booger-eater, although I think she does like beets.

Another friend of mine who likes beets.  Why come I attract all the weirdos?

Another friend of mine who likes beets. Why come I attract all the weirdos?

We all have gross-out stories from our childhoods that are funny as crap now that we’re adults.  It’s these stories that you tell to others so that they can reply, “Ohhhhh,” as in, “Ohhhhh, that’s why you’re such a weirdo.”  It’s like it restores people’s faith in a logical world.  Weirdos don’t happen randomly.  No, my friends, they are made.  They are made through a combination of hardwork, dysfunction, and grossness.  Finding the delicate balance between these three things is what determines if you’ll end up being a blogging sensation that’s sweeping the nation or a serial killer.  Every now and then you really screw things up and end up with someone like Psy, but I’m sure he’ll be okay in the long run if he invests well now.

I was a pretty gross kid because, you know, I was a kid.  Since my mom grew up in the Philippines, she made me eat things on a daily basis that she insisted were food even if the other kids in the neighborhood insisted that she was a filthy liar.  All the kids who made fun of me then have now decided that the gross foods are culinarily adventurous.  I’m pretty sure the neighborhood kids thought I was going to go the One Hit Wonder route, but instead, I grew up to be a very boring adult.  I have also steered clear of boogers for a good two or three years now, but I will never like beets.