Random Saturdays – Turkey Sausage for Heart Health

Last week, I visited The Original Pancake House with a couple of friends.  I had been to this specific location before and always had good food and pleasant service.  I think our server this time was fairly new because she seemed a bit flustered, but she was nice otherwise.  I preface my story with all of this because my intention is not to besmirch the restaurant or the waitress.  I just think it was a combination of odd menu-writing and confusion.

While pouring over the menu, we noticed that it made the following guarantee about the “Heart Healthy” options:

“Less Than 650 Calories
Less Than 20 gm Total Fat
Less Than 7 gm Saturated Fat
Less Than 850 mg Sodium
Less Than 8 g Fiber”

Did you notice that last one?  So apparently, I have been living a lie!  All this time, I have been eating more than 35 g of fiber every stinkin’ day, thinking that it’s healthy.  Had I not read this menu, I might still be slowly killing my heart with fiber.  For shame!  I have now switched to a heart healthy diet of less than .1 g of fiber per day.  As an added bonus, I use less toilet paper.

Now that we have learned about the dangers of fiber, let’s look at “The Runner”.  This meal has “[t]hick rolled oatmeal with raisins and sliced almonds, served with fresh fruit plus two turkey sausage links,” and “[f]or a heart-healthy option, please order without almonds.”  This menu has been a lifesaver for me.  Before I read it, I had no idea that turkey sausage is healthier than almonds.  According to the USDA, 40 g of almonds has 2 grams of that bad for your heart fiber, 3 grams of protein without the added cholesterol you get with animal protein, and, here’s the kicker, it’s filled with “good” monounsaturated fats instead of the saturated fats found in turkey.  On the other hand, 56 g of breakfast turkey sausage, has 2 g of saturated fat, 90 mg of that wonderful, heart-healthy cholesterol, and no fiber to accompany that 9 g of protein.  Suck it almonds!  It’s glorious low-carb, high protein, and high fat diets that keep your waist slim and your heart healthy.  Just ask Dr. Robert Atkins!

Almonds are some evil little buggers.

Almonds are some evil little buggers.

The trifecta of learning was completed when I ordered “Eggs, Hash Browns and Toast” and the waitress said she would have to ask a co-worker, but she was sure that I could substitute oatmeal for eggs.  Evelyn tried to order “The Runner” and substitute a non-meat item for the turkey sausage, but she was quickly shut down.  The waitress said, “I’ve encountered this one before and I know that you can’t sub out the turkey sausage for anything else.  You have to get the turkey sausage.”  So Evelyn ordered the same that I did.  Jane ordered a biscuit the size of a large fist and a bucket of gravy, you know, because she wanted a small meal.

Here’s to a heart healthy 2013 filled with cholesterol and sensible portions!

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Thursday Progress Report – 2013 Big Momma To Do List

I love To Do lists.  I write Post-Its for things that haven’t made it to a list, but I don’t want to forget to do in the short-term.  That’s not to say that everything I put on a list gets done, but hey, congratulations for making it to the list you sweet little To Do, you!

I like lists.  I got most of this stuff done today too.  Bow before my productivity!

I like lists. I even got all of this stuff done yesterday. Bow before my productivity/HULU!

So here’s a list of things I want to focus on/accomplish this year:

  1. Read 4 books – Not sure why finishing a book became so difficult after I went back to school a few years ago, but it did.
  2. Keep up the Debediah project – We really need to start the videos, but in the meantime, I should try to work on the comic once a week or so.
  3. Learn to play an instrument – I’ve always wanted to learn to play the piano, but they’re expensive, take up too much space, and are too loud for an apartment.  I considered the ukulele instead.  Then, I remembered that I still have a keyboard at my dad’s.  When I told my dad about my plans, he ranted about how much he hates ukuleles.  Who knew?  The keyboard isn’t the piano, but it’s close enough for me for now.
  4. Lose 12 lbs – In all honesty, this is partly in vain because society seems to hate fat people.  I will never be a size 0 (and really don’t want to be) or even a size 6.  However, I have asthma, joint and muscle problems, migraines, and so much more.  Some of that is hereditary, but some of it is because the strain of all this extra weight on my small frame is just too much.  Losing a pound a month is a manageable goal that should improve my health.
  5. Workout 1 hour per week – (See above.)  Exercise has benefits besides losing weight, but I can’t do 2 hours of cardio and Pilates everyday.  I have learned the hard (read:  painful) way that I cannot workout more than 20 minutes a day and cannot push myself too hard when I do workout.  If I don’t workout at all, I feel like crap.  Moderation.  Blah.
  6. Knit 4 projects – Knitting is kinda like reading for me.
  7. Work on The Comic – My friend, Evelyn, and I developed a story for a comic last year and she drew some prelim sketches.  Since our schedules conflict, I’m going to write the story and dialogue in detail, and then she’ll do the art.  This is strictly for fun, so we don’t have deadlines, but I’d like to get it done by the end of the year.  We’ll see.
  8. Keep up this blog – Three times a week.
  9. Practice drawing/Gimp/Inkscape – Practice Gimp/Inkscape for this blog and Gimp/drawing for the Debediah comic.  I found some free online tutorials, so I’m gong to make the most of them.
  10. Learn to code – Why not?

Best of luck to me with meeting my goals!  Aww, thanks, me!