Stuff People Say – Joke Styles

Me – I make all the sarcastic jokes. Dad makes all the puns. Austin makes bad jokes because he’s in middle school.

Averie – And I don’t get any jokes.

Random Saturdays – Selfies

Ah, The Selfie.  I hate pictures of myself, so I don’t take many of these.  Friends and family want to take them sometimes, so I take them.  I don’t have a selfie stick, even though my kids have had quite a few.  Ben, luckily, shares this sentiment with me.  That is probably why we’re so bad at taking selfies.  I have started trying to take selfies with my husband at certain events to try to remember that we do things together and even enjoy it from time to time.  It hasn’t been a very successful endeavor.

Here’s one that we took on vacation in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Not so bad, right?  I mean, not the best, but I’m not a professional selfie taker/teenager.  My arms are short, so I’m very limited as to what I can get in the picture, but hey, our faces are 90% in the frame and we’re almost smiling.

Here’s one from when we went to see One Republic.

Hey!  We’re both smiling!  You can’t see our faces, but you can see our teeth and some terrible bright lights in the background.  It looked much better in person and this was the best out of three pictures.  Again, my tiny t-rex arms cropped out parts of our faces, but at least we’re smiling.

We went to see Imagine Dragons and had seats by the second stage.  I wanted to get a picture of us with the band right behind us.  So, I waited and waited and waited.  Finally, the moment came!

This was the third attempt.  The first attempt was just our faces in complete dark.  How did I manage that when there was so much light around?  Talent.  So, I said, “Okay, let’s try one last time,” and Ben said, “Okay, hurry, we’re in people’s way.”  You can see how well I perform under photographic pressure.

Finally, I said, okay, let’s try a regular picture with the band up front.  Ben rolled his eyes, but humored me, while also repeating his “We’re in people’s way” line.

Nailed it!  He looks like Jesus is coming down from the heavens to bestow a crown of light upon his head as he tells me that we’re in the way.  I am clearly not listening, and we’re both distracted by something in the complete opposite direction of the iPhone.

While some people take beautiful iPhone pics like this, I will probably keep my day job so that I can afford to go to more concerts where I get in people’s ways so that I can take bad selfies.

Stuff People Say – Tall Flat White

Me — Hello!  Could I please have a tall flat white with nonfat milk?

We finish ordering and paying.

Barista — Nonfat tall flat white.  Try saying that three times fast!

Ben — Normally, they’re called supermodels.

Random Saturdays – Plotting Baby

I keep having ideas for posts right before I fall asleep or while I’m driving home from work.  Those are not ideal times to write blog posts.  I did find this gem online today and figured it would be a nice first post of 2016 until I can find time to write something longer.  Happy New Year, everyone!

This baby is already plotting which crappy nursing home he’s going to send his mom to in a few decades.

Stuff People Say – Amanda

The following is an actual email exchange I had at work.

Coworker — Hi Team.  How do I determine which [person on another team] will be working the following CR’s[…]?

Angela — Have you checked with [the other team]?

30 minutes later

Coworker — Yes, I did.  Thanks Amanda.

Angela — *giant sigh*

Business As Usual

The user friendly web portal at work

Stuff People Say – Cake

Angela — I saved a piece of cake for you.

Brian — Oh.

Angela — You don’t want it?

Brian — What kind is it?

Angela — Slightly used. [holds out a slice of frostingless red velvet cake]

Stuff People Say – Princess Ear

I wanna be a princess! I wanna be a princess!  I wanna be a princess!

–sung by Dora repeatedly for 10 minutes straight, until…
*commotion, tears, and yelling*

I don’t wanna be a princess no more ’cause I keeped saying, ‘I wanna be a princess,’ and then I fell and busted my ear and need a bandaid now.

–Dora, our clumsy and logical lil girl

Stuff People Say – Football Diet

Minecraft — I think my butt is shrinking.

Me — Why do you say that?

Minecraft — Or maybe my legs are shrinking.

Ben — Why do you think your butt and legs are shrinking?

Minecraft — Because my pants are falling down.

Ben — Or you could be losing weight from playing football.

Minecraft — Yeah, I probably am shrinking from playing football.

VCRs & DVD Players

Back in my dad, we called these stereos and Playstations.  Kids these days!