Ben and I celebrated our six month anniversary by forgetting it. Once I remembered, I thought about doing a blog post about what I’ve learned over the past six months. Maybe I could even check in each year. When I started thinking about what I’d learned, I realized that I hadn’t actually learned anything.
I don’t mean that in a cocky way. I’m not a teenager, so I don’t think I know it all. I just paid close attention to all of the crappy marriages around me while growing up and well into adulthood. I offered a shoulder to cry on and gave advice when requested (and sometimes when not asked, which was a whole other lesson that I had to learn). I knew that I didn’t feel like dealing with egos and crap for the sake of saving a relationship and not damaging children and not having to fix mortgage stuff and legal stuff, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Then, Ben came along.
Suddenly, my ego wasn’t importantly. I’d rather be the first to say, “I’m sorry.” I’d rather be loved than be right. I’d rather openly communicate and sort through past events while planning future action plans. Even when my mind is running away with anger and sadness and confusion and frustration, I’d rather go for a walk and burn some calories while reminding myself of all the things I could’ve done to help the situation and all the things that Ben has done in the past that proves that he probably did not spend the past thirty-some years of his life plotting how to hurt me the most at this exact moment in time. Let me tell you, when your female hormones are crazy, you have slept 16 hours in a week, your joints are burning, and your brain feels like it’s going to burst through your skull, it can be a wee bit difficult to think sensibly.
So, the most important lesson I’ve learned over the past six months is just that I am willing to give up on alot of my ideals in order to have something that’s manageable. There is how you live when you are making all the calls and there is how you live when you are sharing your life with others. You have to shift your thinking from, “If this crap doesn’t work, I’m throwing it all away to get into a situation where I can be in charge!” to, “I have to find a way to make this work.” I’m a big proponent of closing the door on the past and moving on, but I’ve finally learned that closing the door isn’t always the best option. Dangit! I totally lied at the beginning of this post. I did learn something, afterall!