Random Saturdays – 6 Month Anniversary

Ben and I celebrated our six month anniversary by forgetting it.  Once I remembered, I thought about doing a blog post about what I’ve learned over the past six months.  Maybe I could even check in each year.  When I started thinking about what I’d learned, I realized that I hadn’t actually learned anything.

I don’t mean that in a cocky way.  I’m not a teenager, so I don’t think I know it all.  I just paid close attention to all of the crappy marriages around me while growing up and well into adulthood.  I offered a shoulder to cry on and gave advice when requested (and sometimes when not asked, which was a whole other lesson that I had to learn).  I knew that I didn’t feel like dealing with egos and crap for the sake of saving a relationship and not damaging children and not having to fix mortgage stuff and legal stuff, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Then, Ben came along.

Suddenly, my ego wasn’t importantly.  I’d rather be the first to say, “I’m sorry.”  I’d rather be loved than be right.  I’d rather openly communicate and sort through past events while planning future action plans.  Even when my mind is running away with anger and sadness and confusion and frustration, I’d rather go for a walk and burn some calories while reminding myself of all the things I could’ve done to help the situation and all the things that Ben has done in the past that proves that he probably did not spend the past thirty-some years of his life plotting how to hurt me the most at this exact moment in time.  Let me tell you, when your female hormones are crazy, you have slept 16 hours in a week, your joints are burning, and your brain feels like it’s going to burst through your skull, it can be a wee bit difficult to think sensibly.

So, the most important lesson I’ve learned over the past six months is just that I am willing to give up on alot of my ideals in order to have something that’s manageable.  There is how you live when you are making all the calls and there is how you live when you are sharing your life with others.  You have to shift your thinking from, “If this crap doesn’t work, I’m throwing it all away to get into a situation where I can be in charge!” to, “I have to find a way to make this work.”  I’m a big proponent of closing the door on the past and moving on, but I’ve finally learned that closing the door isn’t always the best option.  Dangit!  I totally lied at the beginning of this post.  I did learn something, afterall!


Random Saturdays – Best Laid Blogging Plans

So, I had this great idea to do a weekly post on all the planning of all the events (not just marriage related) coming in the first half of this year.  I was going to give funny or useful or dumb synopses of advice I had read or was given.  There were going to be planning sites and photos and comical stories.  I’m lazy and busy, though, so none of that happened.

Work is killing my soul.  It’s killing Ben’s too.  It’s terrible.  Neither of us like working for the company, but it still has certain perks (401K matching, flexible work from home schedule) that we need right now, even if neither of us knows if we’ll be handed a pink slip on any given day.

We were trying to buy a house and our first loan guy at Quicken Loans was great, but the second guy was not.  We got another guy who was great, and then got stuck with the lame duck again.  We requested another person and got a great woman working on our loan again.  We were basically being passed around Quicken from person to person.  We did most of the work.  I’m not quite sure what our realtor or the seller’s realtor did other than send us documents to sign, often the same documents to resign multiple times because they told us to sign in the wrong place or forgot to update things like, oh, the value of the house before having us sign the documents.  I don’t think I’d recommend anyone use any of the people used unless you really want to do most of the work yourself just to get the deal to go through in about a month’s time.

Minecraft’s birthday party was even cancelled because of rain.  All around us, people are getting laid off from work, being diagnosed with cancer, getting divorced, and a slew of other problems.

There are good things still happening, though, and we’re trying to remember that.  I have a great team of people at work.  Ben’s boss fought to save his job so far.  We got to celebrate a couple of good friends getting married.  We got married ourselves.  We were able to plan some last minute fun stuff to celebrate Minecraft’s birthday.  We now own a house that’s perfect for us, and I think we have made a lifelong friend out of the seller of the house.  Most importantly, we have a wonderful group of friends and family who are very loving and supportive of us.

Still, I know that when man plans, god laughs.  So, I’m not too surprised that nothing has gone exactly according to plan.  However, I do believe that life happens the way it needs to happen when it needs to happen.  That, of course, has continued to be true over the past few months.  For that, I’m extremely grateful.  I even found a bakery that has a red velvet cake that I like and a red velvet cake recipe that I like.  This was thanks to Minecraft’s birthday cake stencil not making it here in time, which coincided with him telling me that his favorite cake is red velvet (my least favorite cake).  So, I made an old fashioned red velvet cake, that was only tweaked slightly.  Our current big tasks are planning the reception (which is in the future as of the writing of this, but is in the past as of the posting of this), working on moving out of the old house and into the new house, and trying to keep it all in perspective as a busy but blissful life.

Way to start off Spring 2015!

I never read the book, but I did see the movie (and liked it, even though I didn’t expect to). I liked Greg Behrendt when I saw him on Oprah, but only as far as avoiding unhealthy relationships and not pursuing someone who’s not interested in you. I share Teresa’s views on marriage, arbitrary relationship timelines, weddings, “Single Ladies”, and “Merry Happy”.

The Teresa Jusino Experience

So, I was chatting online with a friend last night, and we got on the topic of her current romantic situation. After giving her a bit of (what I think was some) sound advice (which is hilarious when you consider my own romantic history – it’s always easier to give advice than to take it), I finally came around to the big thing that was really bothering me, and I remembered that I’d written something for an old blog to that effect. So, I’m reprinting it below, because I still stand by every word. Please keep in mind that I wrote this in 2009 just before the film version of He’s Just Not That Into You came out. I’ve since seen the movie, and it’s pretty cute (and not nearly as annoying as the book). I’ve also since bought Kate Nash’s Made of Bricks, and I currently have a…

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