Stuff People Say – Joke Styles

Me – I make all the sarcastic jokes. Dad makes all the puns. Austin makes bad jokes because he’s in middle school.

Averie – And I don’t get any jokes.

Stuff People Say – Tall Flat White

Me — Hello!  Could I please have a tall flat white with nonfat milk?

We finish ordering and paying.

Barista — Nonfat tall flat white.  Try saying that three times fast!

Ben — Normally, they’re called supermodels.

Stuff People Say – Amanda

The following is an actual email exchange I had at work.

Coworker — Hi Team.  How do I determine which [person on another team] will be working the following CR’s[…]?

Angela — Have you checked with [the other team]?

30 minutes later

Coworker — Yes, I did.  Thanks Amanda.

Angela — *giant sigh*

Stuff People Say – Cake

Angela — I saved a piece of cake for you.

Brian — Oh.

Angela — You don’t want it?

Brian — What kind is it?

Angela — Slightly used. [holds out a slice of frostingless red velvet cake]

Stuff People Say – Princess Ear

I wanna be a princess! I wanna be a princess!  I wanna be a princess!

–sung by Dora repeatedly for 10 minutes straight, until…
*commotion, tears, and yelling*

I don’t wanna be a princess no more ’cause I keeped saying, ‘I wanna be a princess,’ and then I fell and busted my ear and need a bandaid now.

–Dora, our clumsy and logical lil girl

Stuff People Say – Football Diet

Minecraft — I think my butt is shrinking.

Me — Why do you say that?

Minecraft — Or maybe my legs are shrinking.

Ben — Why do you think your butt and legs are shrinking?

Minecraft — Because my pants are falling down.

Ben — Or you could be losing weight from playing football.

Minecraft — Yeah, I probably am shrinking from playing football.

Stuff People Say – Asian Food

Ben– [Angela’s] eaten more Asian food since she started dating me than she has in years.

Alan — Really?

Angela — Yeah, since my mom left.  My other friends don’t want to eat it because they don’t know what it is.

Alan — Yeah, we eat some weird shit.

Stuff People Say – Clumsiness

Angela — What’s green and white and purple and blue?

Minecraft — What?

Angela — Minecraft falling down the stairs.

Minecraft — [hysterical laughter] That really does happen.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Stuff People Say – Ah, Youth

Someone — That’s not what [One Direction looks] like anymore.

11-yr-old Girl — No, that’s when they were young and pretty.

Stuff People Say – Hayride

“I need to go straighten myself up. A and B are going to be here soon and I look like I feel off the back of a hayride.”

–Erica, who, in her defense, had been sick for a week