The Beastie Boys have written part of the soundtrack to my life, which is why it’s so great that the new Star Trek movies have incorporated my favorite Beastie Boys song into their DNA. The only problem is that I am no longer young enough to keep going on the rockin’ musics and adrenaline alone. I require that oh so in demand necessity that I once thought was for babies and old people – SLEEP.
When I lived alone and my job was different, I did not get enough sleep. I found myself napping on the weekends with a kitten curled beside me and PBS making some nice quiet noise in the background. I’d feel lazy and useless, but well-rested by the time I got back to work on Mondays. Then, things at work changed. I began getting to work early, working through lunch, staying late, and then working all night as I got calls. I still didn’t mind much, though. I mean, it’s not like I was missing time with my husband or kids. It was just me and the cat and the cat was fine as long as she could curl up beside me on the couch while I worked.
Eventually, a family did calculate into my life and I struggled to figure out how to keep all my priorities, well, priorities. I kinda sorta found a semblance of what I could pretend was balance, except that my health evaporated. I had no time for sleep, so I hate high energy foods and drank high calorie beverages. That might not have been so bad if I had been expending high amounts of physical energy rather than high amounts of emotional and mental energy. Even worse, my diet and lack of energy meant that if I sat still, my eyes would close and I would fall asleep. So, even when I was at work or with my family & friends, I was not really with them because I was either willing my eyes to stay open or falling asleep.
I’m trying to eat better now (the whole, smaller, but more regular meals thing), which is working well. I don’t eat seconds. I even skip desserts. Sometimes. I’m trying to stay active, at least doing more around the house and making sure I get some yoga stretches in daily. Yet, I still cannot get enough sleep. Even when I lay down and have time for sleep, I cannot sleep. My body is exhausted. I cannot keep my eyes open. I cannot sleep.
For the past two weeks, I’ve been battling some kind of sinus thing that turned into a head cold. Before it turned into bronchitis or anything truly fun, I got on the Z-pak and steroid regiment for a few days. Today was the last day. It helped me limp through the weekend of outdoor football with the kiddos, but I didn’t really feel any better until I finally got some sleep on Saturday night. I knew that I would have my first subbing job on Monday, followed by a full evening of my regular job. So, I was in bed by 10 PM and I did not get out of bed until 5:15 AM. I didn’t sleep much, but I did rest. The steroids make sleep difficult.
At school, I ran mostly on adrenaline and steroids. It was exhilarating and new! I loved it! As I told Ben, “I only repeated myself once or twice to even the most confused or worst behaved kids and it was so much better than repeating myself 15 times to someone who gets paid three times more than me to be five times dumber than me.” I came home and took a nap until Ben was ready to grab a quick dinner. I also requested a stop by Starbucks for a coffee.
Guess who called on the way out – the teacher for whom I subbed today! I was baffled, sure that she had called to personally chew me out for doing such a terrible job today. It turns out, her flight was late and she was wondering if I’d be able to cover for her tomorrow morning. My first thought was, “No. It cannot be done.” Then, I thought, “Well, I probably won’t be able to sleep until tomorrow afternoon when the last of the steroids wear off anyway. I get off work at 5 AM, which is exactly enough time to have breakfast, have some coffee, take a shower, and get ready to go to the school.” Plus, wow, this teacher still trusts me enough with her kids that she wants me to sub again?
I felt like this is one of those teensy tiny opportunities that can so easily be thrown away. Later on down the road, when I have my certificate and am trying to get a job at the school, these teachers might say, “Oh, she’s subbed for me before, and I guess she was okay. I dunno.” Or, they might say, “Wasn’t that the weirdo who agreed to sub that one time for a few hours when we really needed her?” Plus, alot of the teachers are out right now because of colds & flus and I’m just getting over mine. So, I can feel for them and I might as well try to help where I can.
By the time this blog is published, I may have slept. Maybe I’ll be in Brooklyn. Most likely, I will be at the kids’ football games in Nowheresville, TX, trying not to fall asleep.