Growing up in my neck of the cement jungle, Cinco de Mayo was a huge deal. In elementary school, we had a school-wide assembly where we’d pile into the auditorium to watch students and teachers sing and dance to traditional Mexican songs. As adults, Amanda and I have always looked forward to Cinco de Mayo as a way to rekindle the excitement of those elementary school assemblies. Most of the time, this just means getting Taco Bell and watching movies like The Mexican. At some point, we invented some story from which we created the saying, “Have a heart — it’s Cinco de Mayo!” This year, we decided to have a heart by splurging.
We went to Cristina’s because Amanda had never been and it was close to a move theater. The service was okay, although it’s usually much better. We wanted dessert, but decided to go get fresh ice cream sandwiches at another place. That place was closed, so we just went to Barnes & Noble to get treats in the bookstore café. This is where the fun really started.
Me — Hi. Could I get an iced green tea, please?
Teenaged Cashier — Oh, we’re out of iced tea. We just used up the last of what we had today.
Me — Oh, so you don’t have tea?
Teenaged Cashier — No. We just had a little left, and it wasn’t enough for a whole cup, so we just threw it out.
Me — Oh, okay. That’s okay. Could I just get a cup of water–
Teenaged Cashier — We have a water fountain over to the side. Is that okay?
Me — Uh, yeah, sure. That’s fine (thinking that she would give me a cup to fill). Then, could I just get a shortbread sugar cookie?
Teenaged Cashier — Sure. That’s blah blah blah…(takes my payment, hands me a cookie, but no cup, and walks away)
I turned to Amanda.
Me — They’re out of iced tea.
Amanda — Do they not have hot tea and ice?
Me — I don’t know. She said they have no tea.
Amanda waits for the Teenaged Cashier to return.
Amanda — (in a very condescending voice) Do you have hot tea?
Teenaged Cashier — (cheerfully) Yes.
Me — (surprised) I thought you didn’t have tea.
Amanda — Do you have cups that you can put ice in?
Teenaged Cashier — Yes.
Amanda — Okay, then I’m going to get the [some flavor of] hot tea. I would also like a cup with ice.
Teenaged Cashier — Sure, we can do that.
Me — You couldn’t do that for me.
Amanda — Could I also get a cup of water?
Teenaged Cashier — Yes, of course.
Me — Why couldn’t I get a cup of water?
Amanda — And I’d also like a blondie.
Teenaged Cashier — Okay.
Amanda — Thank you.
Teenaged Cashier — No problem!
Me — Really? No problem? It was a problem when I asked for all of this stuff.
Friggin’ teenagers! We ate our treats and drank our beverages. When we got to the theater, the 10:16 pm showing was sold out, but the 10:15 pm showing wasn’t.
Amanda — How full is the 10:15 showing of Iron Man 3?
Box Office Girl — Let me check…There are 215 seats left.
Me and Amanda — Oh, okay, good, good.
[Amanda buys her ticket]
Me — Hi. Could I get one ticket for the same thing, please?
Box Office Girl — [turning around to look for help] Actually, I don’t know what happened, but it just sold out.
Me and Amanda — What?!
Box Office Girl — Yeah, it just showed…I don’t know what happened…
Me — But there were just over 200 seats available…
Box Office Girl — I know. It’s now saying Sold Out. I don’t know if I did something or…
Me and Amanda — 0_0
Box Office Girl — Just kidding!
Oh, how we laughed! Good one, Box Office Girl, good one.
I have to sit pretty far back in movie theaters because sitting close to a movie screen gives me migraines. This meant that we had to sit near the top, just behind a row half-filled with teenagers. Not a single one of those dumbasses were talking to each other; they were all playing on their phones. They weren’t even doing anything interesting, just going in and out of apps while nothing happened. Two of those little jerks actually texted during the movie! Can you believe that?! One of them was the boy sitting in front of Amanda, so I kicked the back of his seat the entire time he was texting because I turn into a vengeful child when my $11 Robert Downey, Jr. movie is interrupted. It wasn’t even an important text. “I’m so bored. I’m in a movie.” Are you kidding me??? Spoiled brats. At the end of the movie, the kids mumbled about how the movie wasn’t even that good. What the what?! It was my favorite of the Iron Man trilogy. Whippersnappers. I said loudly, “I can’t believe these kids were texting during the movie. Nothing on your texts was more interesting than that movie. I know because I could see your texts because you were texting during a movie.”
The good food, funny Box Office Girl, good movie, and good friendship made for a wonderful Cinco de Mayo 2013, despite crappy teenagers. Looking forward to next year, already!
Iron Man has a heart on Cinco de Mayo!